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“The Freedom Kit! Twelve different sized flags you can stick everywhere. The Freedom Kit for $14.99. And then upgrade for $10. Get the Patriot Pack! Ten different flags. Ten MORE flags! Ten bigger sized flags. Be a better patriot than the people who get the Freedom Kit. Outdo your neighbors in patriotism. Let them know you’re better than the Freedom Kit people. 27 different flags. Stick ‘em on your cars. Stick ‘em on your windows. Stick’ em on your office. Stick ‘em on your cubicle. Fuckin’ shove ‘em up your ass. We got special flags to shove up your ass when you’re sleeping! No reason not to be a patriot when you’re asleep. Come on! Don’t let those terrorists win. If you don’t have a flag sticking out of your ass, the terrorists win. Always have flags. Give your children flags. Everyone should have a flag. All the time. At all times flags. Eat the flag. Eat it. Special edible flags. Have flags grafted on the inside of your eyelids so all times you have flags. Have flag pills to eat then you shit out a flag! That’s true patriotism! Don’t be asleep on the job here, America. So order today. All flags made by Chinese prison labor. Guaranteed.”
